Up to now we have been toying with the law of attraction to manifest on the material plane and satiate the needs of the ego. We have become deliberate creators and more conscious of the vibration we are emitting. For a while, I am been intrigued and fascinated by the “I AM” Presence, the God consciousness that resides in each and every one of us. First time I heard the statement was through Reverend Michael Bernard Beckwith’s talk. Then, I took a further interest in the implication of using the statement in daily life to enhance my state. With a strong interest to heal my own life of anything that needs to be released into the light, I started applying the violate flame decrees by Saint Germain, which re-iterate the “I AM” statement. Being raised as a Muslim, I am aware of how challenging it is to grasp this notion. I am though receptive to accepting that I am one with the Creator. This teaching is still an intellectual notion for me. I have not yet embodied it at the core of my being. My prime intention is to heal my life on all fronts. A few days ago, I decided to read The Moses Code by James Twyman, which takes the principles of the law of attraction one step further. I have just finished reading The Moses Code and watching the documentary. The comma is the code and makes a difference in how you recite the statement: “I AM THAT, I AM”. There is indeed a pause. I have been practicing it to embody the principle; upon my daily commute to the chiropractor, I would repeat in my mind “I AM THAT” regardless of whatever or whoever that crossed my path. I think that this is a powerful practice to instill the whole notion of oneness with all that is. For some of you, this is ingrained within; you might inhabit this principle just as you breathe. But for me, it is a conscious effort. In the first part of the book, James takes you through exercises to manifest anything you want on the material plane. The procedure is simple. Dr. Wayne Dyer, the author of Wishes Fulfilled, also speaks of this principle in his book (which is an extension of Neville Goddard’s teachings and Saint Germain “I AM” discourses). He also has collaborated with James Twyman to create the I Am Wishes Fulfilled Meditation CD, which I assume that it is similar to James’ own original creation of The Moses Code Meditation CD. Upon the in-breath, we focus on “I AM THAT”; the focal point could be the perfect health, the perfect relationship, the ideal job, the dream house, the preferred car, and so on. Upon the out-breath, we focus on “I AM”. The breath is very important because it indicates the movement of energy. This simple process helps us manifest beyond the scope of our imagination and allows the divine energy to flow through us. We are indeed powerful creators. Now, you could also reverse the process and focus on “I AM THAT” on the out-breath and “I AM” on the in-breath. The key is to explore this phenomenon. I am focusing on the attainment of my perfect health first and foremost and clarity of vision second. You can start with a simple goal and make it work for you before you focus on loftier goals. The second part of the book takes you through a journey of its own, away from satisfying the urgent needs of the ego and towards nourishing the aspirations of the soul. If you envision a pyramid, James mentions to include all the aspirations and longings of the soul on top and the earthly desires on the lower rungs of the pyramid. This is referred to as the trickle-down theory of enlightenment, according to James Twyman. When the focus is on the attainment of the yearnings of the soul, the needs of the ego will also be fed and met. But if the focus is solely on earthly pursuits, then we are always unfulfilled and feeling that something is missing. Also, there is no separation between the act of giving and receiving. They both are the same. When we give, we are receiving simultaneously. This book is a great read for those of you who are hungry as I to embody the “I AM” Presence and feel the oneness and the interconnectedness of all that is. You might find it illuminating as I have.

I have just finished reading The Power of Awareness by Neville Goddard and looking forward to reading Wishes Fulfilled by Dr. Wayne Dyer. To my pleasant surprise, I became increasingly aware of how I have been holding myself captive to an old concept of self. I think it is important that I shed light on how I came into contact with this book.

Let me talk about the unfolding of a series of synchronous events that led to the landing of this classic on my lap. Just a few nights ago, I was listening to an interview that a trusted friend and the founder of the Juicy Living Tour had with Sonia Choquette in London. Sonia inspired me to sit for guidance and then just surrender to the outcome. Well, I just did that. On the following morning, I meditated and asked for guidance, “What guidance do you have for me now?” I asked a more open-ended question and remained receptive. Later that day, I dropped by Starbucks to get my afternoon pick-me-up and decided to meander along the self-help section of the local bookstore. I spotted Wishes Fulfilled. Being on Disability Income, it felt inconvenient for me to simply purchase the book. I instinctively looked at the back of the cover and my eyes immediately spotted the phrase “I am paralysis free.” That paragraph was about a lady giving a testimonial on how Dr. Wayne Dyer was able to assist her with her Bell’s palsy, which was affecting her daily life. Bell’s palsy is a debilitating disorder of the nerve that controls the movements of the muscles in the face. Dr. Wayne Dyer was telling the lady to place her hand on her face and repeat “I am paralysis free.” I am blessed not to be inflicted with the exact same condition. However, even though a mystery to the medical community, the symptoms resemble that of either Bell’s palsy or Trigeminal neuralgia. Based on my chiropractor’s perspective, difficulties with my cervical spine (in layman’s terms) give rise to these uncomfortable sensations in my face and eyes. Anyhow, this phrase on the back of the cover stirred enough interest for me to get hold of this book. But an entirely different event unfolded that served my highest good at that moment.

With eager anticipation, I hopped on my Echo Toyota and drove to the local library to secure a copy of Wishes Fulfilled. I searched it on the database. I noticed that it is an extremely popular book. Since the book is new in the market, even copies in the local library are all on hold. Well, at that moment, while a flicker of doubt permeated my being, my fingers unconsciously clicked on the forward arrow on the screen. I came across an available copy of Neville Goddard’s The Power of Awareness. I picked it up immediately. I started reading the book and became more and more interested in the validity of the content.

The point I am making here is that I asked for guidance and every single decision I made that day came not from logically debating the pros and cons of each decision but to listen to my inner voice and trust. Events unfold whether we are consciously or unconsciously aware of. We are always manifesting, but sometimes we wonder why we are manifesting the same thing over and over. Well, the answer lies in your imagination. Even to be a deliberate creator and apply the principles of the law of attraction, we are asked to plant the seeds in our imagination and assume the wish fulfilled. We all have an imagination but barely use it. When we were children, we used it more often to get what we wanted. Neville opens his first chapter with these profound lines of wisdom that shook me to the core when I read them: “Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself.” While driving back home on that day, these lines kept repeating like a tape recorder in my psyche. I have always been consumed with unconscious thoughts of how the external world perceived me. And all my decisions revolved around fitting in. Thus, to leave the mirror and the world opens the gateway to unleashing the freedom to be—that which I AM.

I needed to read this book because it is the very foundation that Dr. Dyer bases the teachings of his latest book on. And that is the deliberate use of the imagination to assume the wish fulfilled. Whether you want to manifest a new car, home, business, health or whether you want to embody a new way of being—all can be achieved in the fertile ground of your potent imagination. Now, I am making use of this simple and yet powerful tool to assume perfect health and vitality among other external pursuits. More importantly, this book reminds me of a fundamental principle: I AM THAT I AM.

Writing is an endeavor that brings immense pleasure and liberates my soul from my rigid mind. I am allowing flexibility to breathe its way through my creative synapses. I would love to write and create beautiful stories. But, the first thing on my list is to give birth to a memoir. I get lost in my own thoughts and logic distracts me from pure creativity. Thoughts of fear linger in my psyche and prevent me from being in the flow. I don’t know where to start. I have always wanted to write eloquently. I get stuck when I feel that what I wrote does not meet the expectations of my logical thinking mind, let alone my audience, always worrying about how they might perceive the finished product. In the end, I create and allow others to express their perspectives, knowing full well that through the feedback mechanism, I can grow and evolve as a writer. For now, I have decided to follow Mark David Gerson’s input to just select a key word and allow it to take me to the next word from which sentences will emerge. It is difficult to stop the thinking clock. Thoughts just come and go. It seems that I spend most of my time living in my head. I love to migrate to my spiritual heart and create from that place where judgment and criticism are out the window. In its place is room for compassion and communion with my creative muse. I am writing and have no clue where this is taking me as I have no intention of stopping. So far I have been writing for five minutes and allowing words to just pour onto this page. Trying hard to suspend my logical thinking brain and accept that what I have written so far, regardless of how random or chaotic it seems, it will serve a purpose if I just be in a state of allowing. Who cares? I am not in charge. My creative muse is in charge. I just need to be its obedient slave for the moment. Yes, I know that being a slave to my muse sounds ridiculous. I can’t even envision my muse. I am not an expert in visualization and thus make assumptions that my muse is my intuition, that little voice that in the stillness of my internal chatter will guide me and take me along the journey. I don’t have to understand how I am floating in this river of pure creativity, using my left-reptilian brain. I have to understand with my inner senses and let go of creative resistance. It is difficult to write and not proofread and make imperfect sentences perfect. I guess that this is the whole point of this writing exercise, for me to get out of my own way, as Mark points out and forget about grammar and coherence. There it goes again, the logical mind popping out of nowhere and creeping in and nudging me to correct and revise so that in the end the creation is appealing in the eyes of my audience. I need to break the old patterns of being stuck in my logical mind. After ten minutes of writing, I put my editing cap on and made the necessary changes. The lesson of this short writing segment is to surrender and allow your muse to take you wherever it needs to go. Now, I feel good about what I just created. Confidence grows with each baby step that I take and know and believe that “I am a writer.”

Good morning / Good Afternoon / Good Evening World! All of us on this spiritual path are Light Workers. At some point, we will awaken to who we truly are. Some of us have already become awakened while some are still living through the filter of the persona, the ‘phantom self.’  I will start today’s post with Eckhart Tolle’s saying: “Death is the stripping away of all that is not you.” I came across it while listening to his audio book, The Power of Now. We are all at different stages of our evolutionary growth. No doubt, we all share different perspectives on where we are in life, which makes each of us unique. After all, we welcome diversity. We are all meant to shine our light and pursue our inner calling. We are here to awaken and share our unfiltered wisdom (channeled through us from higher guidance) with the rest of humanity. I am so grateful that I have access to so many wonderful resources that can guide me in my own personal quest towards true freedom. I am particularly drawn to Eckhart Tolle’s teachings because I do find a shared common ground in his story. He suffered from suicidal depression before he was freed. I suffer from an identity crisis manifested as migraine and neuralgia. He reinforces the mere fact that we all know intuitively: “The mind is an instrument.” We can train and tame the mind constructively through NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and hypnosis to rewire the neurology of the brain and embed new thought patterns. Meditation has the same impact. Scientific research has been done to show that meditation changes the neuro-plasticity of your brain and thus your state of being. In other words, we can create different realities for ourselves through the intentional process of rewiring the neuro-circuitry, be it through whatever means that resonates. But when we become slaves to our compulsive thinking, then we are prisoners of our own self-perpetuated addictive thoughts and succumb to all this mental noise. We become identified with the mind unless we break the chain and become the awareness. Now, Bashar says: “Negotiate with the mind.” To me, negotiation is the same as awareness. We can physically talk with the mind but can only receive a response through stillness. When we meditate and still the internal chatter, we allow thoughts to arise for what they are. We allow the mind to be without becoming attached to ‘mind identification.’ The mind becomes us if we only let it and play its game. When we acknowledge the mind without fighting or resisting it, we are cultivating awareness, which is the same as negotiating or proposing (in my humble opinion).

Does rewiring the circuitry of the brain to think and feel differently free us from the mind? No, we can never be freed from the actual mind; we can be freed indeed from ‘mind dominance.’ We can use the mind to achieve certain practical aims. Eckhart still uses his mind for functional purposes. However, he is freed from attachments. This is reflected in how he is perceived and lives his life. Sure, through the creation of his books, he has manifested materially and lives a comfortable life. The difference is that he is freed from ‘mind dominance’ and does not ‘derive his sense of self from the content of his mind.’ Eckhart was homeless prior to becoming a success in the eyes of the world. The awakening took a toll on his body that needed to become integrated before he came out of his shell, literally speaking. He was freed, not from his actual mind but from ‘mind dominance,’ which is and has been my quest. I am an intellectual sign of the zodiac and tend to use the mind compulsively, obsessively, addictively, and thus destructively. However, due to believing in my own unworthiness, which emanates from my unconscious, I have become a slave to my mind and created the reality that I am living currently.

I am first to admit that I am resistant and scared at the core to become dis-identified with my compulsive and obsessive mind that has kept me trapped in an addictive loop of control and insecurity. Eckhart reinforces that ‘compulsive thinking is an addiction and the present moment holds the key to liberation.’ Even Byron Katie speaks this profound truth through her creation, The Work, which comprises a series of four questions of self-inquiry. “Power over others is weakness disguised as strength; true power is within and is available to you now.” Power over others has assailed the very fabric of my existence. This is a trait that I have inherited and breathed while growing up through watching my own mother being a victim of control and being controlled. The constant pull between dependence and independence has taken me down a path of co-dependence. I live with my mother at the age of forty. Throughout the years flitting from job to job, I spent to please, to conform, and to fit in. I sabotaged in numerous ways to be where I am now, which is to expand, transcend contrast, and feel a sense of renewal. Since the year of 2009, everything came to a screeching halt. Through chiropractic care and intense energy work, I am just being called to rise up and ‘strip away all that is not me.’ The ultimate manifestation for me is to become SELF (authentic and vibrant); the rest is icing on the cake. I am here to reconcile with SELF. The mere fact that I have allowed myself to express bits of the discomfort felt within with my fellow bloggers is an act of courage and strength. I am perhaps ready to break the silence and thus dissolve the ‘phantom self.’

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Evening World! I would like to discuss an important topic. I am not even sure whether I should capitalize the first letter and give it strength or leave the first letter small, diminishing its impact. The topic of the Ego (ego), what it is and how it is perceived, is a fascinating subject that can shed light on its role and presence in our daily lives. For the purpose of discussion on this blog, I set the intention to share powerful insights from spiritual luminaries and clarify certain misconceptions. The human Ego (ego) tends to give us the illusion that IT is the identity. My aim is to primarily cultivate a deeper understanding of and secondarily a more intimate relationship with my own colossal Ego if that is the case or surrender IT if necessary. I may even need to negotiate with my Ego and propose a less threatening agenda, according to Bashar (a being of extraterrestrial origin) channeled through Darryl Anka. Or in the language of Abraham Hicks, I should focus on that which I am truly meant to be on this physical plane and transcend contrast. Both Bashar and Abraham are basically suggesting the same thing, which is to remind us of the inherent nature of contrast. Duality permeates each fiber of our being-ness; if we reflect on the nature of the ego, perhaps we could perceive it as the antonym to the spirit that floats deep within the crevices of our human psyche. When confronted with a circumstance that stirs the creative juices of the ego, we have a choice to succumb to its craving or simply validate its existence. Like a child that cries excessively for attention, sometimes the remedy is to take heed silently. The ego, unless tame, resembles an unsettled child seeking attention from its environment.

When speaking or thinking of the ego, I often think that it is a trap. Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying illuminates its illusive nature: “Two people have been living in you all of your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to.” According to Dr. Wayne Dyer, “Ego is just a collection of ideas that say, I am what I have, I am what I do, I am what other people think of me, I am separate from everyone else, I am separate from everything missing in my life, I am separate from God.” Dr. Deepak Chopra reinforces the diminutive role that it plays in the grander scheme of things: “The reason that ego and love are not compatible comes down to this: you cannot take your ego into the unknown, where love wants to lead. If you follow love, your life will become uncertain, and the ego craves certainty.” Meister Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth reveals that “…unless you know the basic mechanics behind the workings of the ego, you won’t recognize it, and it will trick you into identifying with it again and again.” T. Harv Eker, the founder of Peak Potentials Training, mentions: “Most people are so stuck in their egos that everything revolves around me, me, and more me. But if you want to be rich in the truest sense of the word, it can’t only be about you. It has to include adding value to other people’s lives.”

I have barely scratched the surface when it comes to how much it has been written on this subject alone. With the intention of drawing my own perspective, I believe that for as long as we are floating on this physical plane, we might as well indulge in experiences that life has to offer us without becoming attached to the material aspects of life and without identifying with them. I have been on this journey for a long time; I have had my share of material comfort and possessions. Neither has fulfilled me deeply. Even though my ego craves a luxurious lifestyle and wishes to indulge, I also know that I can have the best of both worlds as long as I keep my ego tame and not fall prey to its destructive tendencies. I assume that my overall quest is to envision myself interconnected in this web of all that is, not intellectually but experientially.

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Evening World! I am the awareness. I am the observer. I am the perceiver. I feel so much compassion for her. This journey has been a challenging one. Through writing, I hope to help her carve a new path and break through her own ozone layer of confusion, condemnation, and depreciation of her fragmented self.

She is at crossroads. She is at a major juncture in her life, not knowing which way to turn. There is a fork at the intersection showing her the way to the past and to the future. Both pathways are nonexistent other than what she makes of them in her own imagination. There is only the now. She knows it but it does not feel real to her. She feels blocked and conflicted from within even though nothing I say to soothe her holds true. She feels contracted and expanded at the same time. The river of abundance is flowing her way. She is manifesting but she remains blind to the daily miracles that fall in her lap. She wants to step into her joy but is resisting change.

There is a mirroring effect going on. Everything that has unfolded has an emerging theme and keeps recurring to get her attention. She knows that she no longer can be a source of sexual convenience in a man’s life and that she has transcended that reality. This message is screaming through her body. Physiologically pain contorts her face and eyes. She feels creeping skin sensations of itchy pins and needles on her face, transmuting to partial numbness at times. She feels constant stinging sensations radiating from her eyes. Too much for her to handle! This has been an ongoing hurdle for the past few years. She knows on some level that she needs to let go of her old self. There are times she wears her shades to hide her eyes from view. There are times she feels relaxed and cares less about other people’s perceptions. Part of her needs a man’s validation; part of her feels validated. Part of her wants intimacy; part of her craves independence. The conflicting voice from within sends conflicting messages of confusion through her contorted face and eyes.

She is evidently vibrating at lower vibrations and inviting the same old patterns in her physical experience. She is forty years old and lives with a seventy-five year old mother with whom the relationship is and has been rocky. In her ongoing quest to raise her level of worth and esteem, she strives towards the elimination of toxic ties and all forms of co-dependencies. She feels congested and blocked. She feels unable to breathe independence into all facets of her existence.

The journey ahead is uncharted, which scares her at the core. She always likes to be in charge and steer her own destiny. The more she holds on tight to the old reality, the looser the grip. The path of least resistance is the path she is on; she is resisting though with all her might. It feels safer for her to float on a rocky terrain than to sail on an uncharted shore.

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Evening World! Stir up your internal combustion engine and put it in forward gear! But sometimes, it feels as if your internal transmission is vibrating energetically in forward reverse gear … two steps backward … three steps forward … two steps backward … three steps forward! You catch the drift. The spiritual journey that some of us are on is taking us along an evolutionary path towards an ultimate marriage with the self. Since our own perception of truth changes as we evolve, so does the path we immerse ourselves in wholeheartedly. We chase different teachings and experiment with this/that concept; we strategically implement a particular philosophy or view point that resonates with where we are at in life, until replaced with new ones at later stages. What holds true for some of us one moment becomes extinct the next. The law of impermanence is always at hand. Some of us remain hooked onto our religious and dogmatic principles because they create our safety net, even if it is an imaginary one (simply a mental construct). Some of us may prefer to remain attached to religiosity to fit in, to buy approval, or to even be praised. All these fear-based idiosyncratic modes of behavior are practiced with the sole intention of returning to the self (some interpret it as finding the self; some interpret it as recreating the self.) This communion may take place on the earth plane or while transitioning.

What seems to be hidden from view becomes an epiphany at any given moment, so long as we remain open and flexible. We remain in obscurity until we are awakened from a deep slumber. The unseen cannot be comprehended with limited human perception but can only be grasped in imagination, where the impossible becomes possible; the unreal becomes real. Everything projected outward is a holographic signal emitted at a certain frequency. For as long as we vibrate at these lower frequencies, we embrace contrast, which is the perfect remedy for the transcendence of the ego and the expansion of the soul. What society perceives as demonic becomes imaginary if reframed. What is activated behind virtual closed doors remains a mystery to the limited human mind; what is brought into public view is left for human interpretation, which is enmeshed in societal conditioning. An imaginary barrier is a mental creation that revolves around assumptions, perceptions, and expectations. I stumbled upon this great quote in Facebook by Dr. John F. Demartini (a human behavior specialist, educator, and author), which reinforces this point: “Wise students of life welcome experiences that appear to offer adversity because every imaginary barrier is a personal challenge to grow and with growth comes a greater sphere of influence, responsibility, and reward. With hindsight, what appeared to have been the greatest problems are recognized as occurring during the times of greatest growth and self-awareness.” Once this imaginary barrier is dissolved, we begin to vibrate at higher frequencies and shift from a contracted state of awareness (where problems are perceived) to an expanded state of awareness (where solutions are brought to light), as Dr. Deepak Chopra reinforces.

We are evolutionary beings, and we have come to the earth plane to transcend contrast and experience growth. Sometimes the ego needs to go through certain experiences in order to transcend its own presence and dissipate from view where the heart takes center stage and striving becomes thriving. In my last post, I briefly touched upon Reverend Beckwith’s talk on owning your own inner embarrassment. The limited mind perceives shame as an inner embarrassment whereas if reframed, based on NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) teachings, this source of shame is transmuted into a source of strength. Having sex with men who are taken! Contracting the herpes virus! Being physically beaten for the purpose of confessing! Returning into virginity through surgery! Being married and divorced within a week! Drowning in further destructive deeds! Falling from grace to some! Portrayed as a fugitive to others! Being a home wrecker … the list is endless! The price she paid is her own smallness. The price she paid is her unworthiness. THE PHOENIX IS RISING FROM ITS OWN ASHES! The butterfly is sprouting its wings of freedom. She is breaking the chains that bind. She is rising up. She is coming into her own. She is shining her light. At last, she is reconciling with the self. A new day beckons.

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Evening World! The sun is shining here in Vancouver. I am so willing to float in the infinite ocean of creativity. Releasing the old into the ether! Embracing the new! Painting on the white canvas of my screen a colorful, vibrant being beaming with pure joy! So exhilarating to draw to my creative vortex the birth of a new self, ready to sprout its wings of freedom!

But first I need to clear out the deck of its old debris and give it a good dust. Recall for a brief moment the movie, The Fugitive, with Harrison Ford as the main actor. The main character, Dr. Richard Kimble always on the run after being unjustly accused of murdering his wife, resembles a story that is about to unfold … in bits and pieces … as this I, the awareness, dares to unravel the story, not to indulge but to release and bring closure; not to reactivate but to draw the curtain close; not to relive the memories but to bid adieu to an old chapter. The blog sets the stage for what later gives birth to a memoir.

The story of a young lady who received the reputation of a home wrecker with the intention of gaining autonomy over her dating relationships! In a country where she was allowed to sit like a doll and allow suitors to inspect her and determine whether she is a good fit for marriage! In a country where having a boyfriend was a forbidden fruit! In a country where she took all measures to fight for her freedom, only to find out in her later years that she was on the run, just like Dr. Richard Kimble. She was running from herself. She was running from life. That sounds like a paradox. Well, it is!

She was only twenty-five when she decided to return to her native land with the intention of staying there for a month. The trip lasted a year and a half and set the stage for the adventure she has embarked upon the past twelve years to redeem her authentic self and gain inner autonomy. It is welcoming to be daring and try new adventures, but there is a clear line that once crossed becomes a reckless destructive act. I was listening to Reverend Michael Beckwith yesterday on Agape live stream and he was speaking of owning up your inner embarrassment … To be continued!

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Evening World!  This identity had an interesting visit to her chiropractor this past Thursday who just confirmed her own thoughts regarding her ongoing battle with chronic pain.  Even though her spine is receiving its regular intense adjustments and the physical body is healing beautifully, the ongoing saga is unfolding.  The battle of the MINDS!  This I, being the observer of my experience, is witnessing! This I, being the awareness behind the unfolding of an inner saga, is perceiving!  The battle between who she thinks she is and who she really is!  A mind that creates a mental construct of the image projected outward!  And the beaming self in hybernation, ready to come out of and burst forth.from its cocoon!  Each day upon looking at the mirror, she is reminded of the conflict lurking within.  This is part of her daily existence:  She is breathing in and breathing out the pain.  She is so obsessed with and attached to the pain that she is identified with the pain.  The pain is her story.  Without this story, who is she?  The ongoing question that faces her from sunrise to sunset!  She and the pain are one.   The pain is deep and yet her best friend.  How can the pain leave her body if she is being so stubborn!  She wants to hold on to an identity that kept her numb for so many years but feels safe and comfortable.  She is reminded daily to rise above and drop the pretense. The pain is physical and excruciating.  Intense, strong electrical crawling skin sensations embody her scalp, face, and eyes.  Electrical currents shooting onto her face and vibrating intensely!  Tingling, prickling electrical shocks buzzing!  On the other hand, this I, the observer and the awareness, is freed from and has transcended the pain.  Not an easy task though!  But with each passing day, this I becomes the ultimate vast consciousness floating in pure awareness.

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Night World!  We all can relate to pain.  Throughout our lives, we become sick and then conditioned to believe that ingesting a pill will do the trick.  Some may still believe in this paradigm while others have adopted a different way of relating to pain.  Affliction is chronic and addictive.  When you suffer from a headache, even if for a temporary period of time, you might take a pill from the medicine cabinet and ingest it.  Two hours later, you are relieved of your headache.  Then, on another occasion, the headache returns to get your attention.  You are conditioned to suppress the pain by taking a short cut.  It feels too uncomfortable to allow the pain to just be without the need to resort to medication.   When you take a pharmaceutical drug to relieve your body of physical pain, you are still defying the body’s natural innate ability to heal itself of ailments.  The body may well recover and return to a perceived state of well-being and wholeness, only to deteriorate when you stop taking the medication.  In other words, unless you condition the body to become dependent on drugs, you are not allowing the body to do its innate job.  Your body consists of 50 trillion cells, all designed to rally in favor of building a strong immune system on your behalf, if only you let it.  You need to get out of your own way.  Your job is not to fix the pain or affliction.  Your job is to embrace it and establish an intimate rapport with it.  Your task is to tune into your physical pain and allow it to speak to you.  Your pain is your best ally, believe it or not!  I had to learn it the hard way, indeed!  I used to be as healthy as a horse, so I thought!  I was a personal trainer, an aerobic instructor, and a fitness maniac.  I exercised every day.  My only challenge was that I dishonored my own limits.  The body spoke to me.  At the onset of pain, I would ingest a pill.  The cycle perpetuated itself, until in the early 2001, after the death of my own father who transitioned due to his second heart stroke, I was taken down a path of cultivating a different way of relating to my own phsyical and emotional pain.  It was in 2005 or somewhere around that time period that I made a conscious choice to rid my medicine cabinet of pharmaceutical pills for migraine.  Each month,  I endured the pain and allowed sensations to emerge, only then to leave my body.  Still, in those days, I would do anything to fix my pain.  I was oblivious and ignorant of the real ingredients required to restore my optimal health.  I would seek naturopathy and spend lots of money on naturapathic medicine in order to cure my body.  There was nothing wrong with my body.  There is nothing wrong my body.  Even now, with daily dose of facial pain, I am still a proponent that my body is strong and my best ally.  Pain represents tension that is arising from the depth of your being, capturing your attention to rise up and become who you are meant to be in relationship with your self and others.  Physical pain, regardless of how severe, is a friendly reminder alerting you each time to drop the facade and to become authentic.  The tension and discomfort in my face is a daily reminder to rise to the occasion.  For the past six months, I have been seeking chiropractic care, which I believe is the best remedy for a strong, healthy physical body.  When the spine is healthy, life force can flow.  When the spine is unhealthy, life force is obstructed.

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Night World!  Fingers gravitating to the keyboard while being in the flow!  Allowing love to flow through these fingers!  Words emerging on a white canvas!  Feeling apprehensive, exposed!  Revealing a very naked aspect of this name-less being leaves her exposed, indeed!  A sigh of relief though!  Releasing tension … embracing uncertainty; releasing conflict … embracing spontaneity!  Who is this name-less being with two different personalities?  Born to Iranian parents and raised in Iran before migrating to Canada and spending her teenage years onward in a culture so different to her own!  Inherited a Persian birth name with an Irish name she later legally adopted!  She is called by some Bonnie and by others Banafsheh.  She is conditioned to believe that she is Iranian-Canadian.  But is she really?  She believes that she is name-less.   She is identified with these names, but she is beyond the names inherited and adopted.  She is beyond the cultural conditioning of her native land of Iran and her residential land of Canada.  She is yet to discover her authentic self.  She is on a personal journey of rebirth and transformation.  The numerous events that have unfolded  up to now reveal the path ahead, yet uncarved.   She is still at the embryonic phase of her journey.  The fetus in her is undeveloped.  With each passing day, there is a birthing process underway.  She is being revealed ways to integrate the fragmented aspects of her being-ness and to love the distorted aspect of her self unconditionally.

Loving self cannot be conceptualized by the crevices of the mind.  Looking self in the mirror and reciting  the positive affirmation “I love myself …” does set the stage for the real work that ensues.  The real work is a journey inward that you are prepared to take.  Loving self is thus an experiential process.  It is impossible to love self  unconditionally while being attached to an identity. A personality that embodies disintegrated fragments!  A fragmented personality that embodies the duality of being-ness!  Remaining detached from the duality that lurks in us all!  Try separating the night from the day! Try separating the shade from the light!  An impossible task! Look around you in nature! You will find indelible traces of contrast everywhere.  Your task is to embrace the duality that exists in you.  Your task is to merge the shadow with the light.  Your task is to drop the label and transcend the personality.  Your task is to rise above the contrast, learn, and evolve.

Good Morning / Good Afternoon / Good Night World!  This is my very first blog.  The blog has been ‘frozen in time’ for a while. I have wanted to build momentum and give my blog a good jolt, but fear had me wrapped in its bosom. I am writing with trepidation, hesitation.   Fear is a parasite that streams through your consciousness and holds you a hostage and in bondage until you make a conscious choice to snap out of it and be freed.  Breathing in … breathing out … breathing in … breathing out … finding my way through this mental chaos as words are being poured onto this page. I felt ‘stuck’ (my own co-creation, indeed).  The day before yesterday, in Facebook,  I received an energetic invitation (a term used by Reverend Dr. Iyanla Vanzant) to attend Oprah’s Lifeclass Webcast, which was broadcasted in livestream mode. I became fascinated with Dr. Vanzant’s presence as she captivated the entire stage with an intense desire for instigating change. As Reverend Vanzant mentions in her 40-day Abundance Program:  ”No matter how challenging, disturbing or disruptive, if it is in your life, you have issued an invitation by thought, speaking and/or emotion.” I found it particularly empowering when she looked a gentleman on stage in the eye and said: “You are addicted to your story.” Almost all participants whether taking part in this dynamic exchange via skype or on stage were addicted to their stories. I also have been addicted to my story until not much long ago. An epidemic that got us stuck in a perpetual loop of deceit! The need to hold on so tight to a story that only by energetic invitation gets us the attention and the sympathy we so desperately need.  A story that encapsulates a lie, masked as truth. Beliefs and mindsets inherited! Trapped by our own making in an antiquated vision that repel us from rather than propel us in moving forward!  We rarely feel comfortable to take responsibility for all our co-creations.  No incident falls in your sphere of experience without your energetic consent and invitation.  The need to complain, blame, and judge overpowers us and yet keeps us numb and frozen.

Who would I be without my story?  Who would you be without your story?  Who would we collectively be without our stories?  A story that becomes owned and leashed!  A story that camouflages the  truth!  A pure lie sugar coated with other people’s perceptions and versions of you! An old vision that has outgrown me, you, and all of us!

For forty years, I was addicted to my story.  Now, I choose to instigate change.  I choose to respond affirmatively and ‘fake it until I make it,’ using David Childerley’s phrase (the founder of mygenie.tv).  You want a way out of your attachment to your story.  Tell a new lie.  When asked about your well-being, respond affirmatively in spite of what surrounds and confronts you.  Focus your thoughts on your wants; aim at creating a new vision for yourself.  We live in an energetic universe.  We attract events and people into our lives simply through the thoughts that lurk in our subconscious minds.  Those heavy thoughts pull circumstances to our sphere simply to reflect back the vision we have of ourselves.  The way we view self is the way others view this self.  The outer reflects the inner.  The inner has to be cleansed of old criteria.  You and only you in the likeness and image  of God (or however you address this higher power) can embark on this new adventure and birth a new and more empowered version of You.  Take your mop and give your inner realm a good sweep.  Create new criteria for whom and what you invite to your energetic sphere.